T's Journal - V.1AAAH!

GO MARTIN!!!

2006-05-26T19:47:52Z

Good for Martin, getting in on in the shed with Carly. If I'd have been him, I'd have said to Sonia, "Close the door on your way out, you big chinned fat ass dyke!"

Sonia deserved everything she got

2006-05-04T19:20:18Z

I don't mind telling you I have just leapt for joy after seeing the dirty, filthy, two-timing lesbian whore Sonia deserve everything she got. She breaks Martin's heart and then just expects him to play along with her scam to get what she wants? She seems to expect everyone just to forgive her and act as though nothing has happened. Well, he made the right choice, and now there's a big dent in that crater-sized ego on that massive whale woman.

Good on you, Martin!

Just when you thought I was gone I whip out my penis and shove it in

2006-04-15T03:17:32Z

Ohh I want to masturbate and play tug-o-war with myself like 28932873272387 miles per hour. Ohhhhh SIICHUH3GYGEVLOESH XBSVDYITF3Y2SJUWYSGEDZXBN SFDORISHS MOSIRS

Poor fat old lesbians!

2006-04-04T20:17:29Z

Martin is so unreasonable isn't he? I mean if your wife leaves you, you're supposed to brush it off with a win some/lose some attitude aren't you? Anyone else would be over it in 30 seconds.

When will he leave the poor fat ugly lesbians alone? It just breaks my heart.

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oshikuroo!

2006-04-04T14:32:31Z

O,O,O,O, Oshikuru,
O,O,O,O, Oshikuru,
My oh my he's a demon samuri.
Who's the guy who had to die?
O-she-ku-ru

I'm baaack

2006-03-30T16:49:19Z

Well guess who's back T-Man-ites?!? Yeah I was gone for awhile and I will tell you why. One day I was walking around and said to myself, "Hey I'm fuckin' hungry". So I went to Burger King and just as I was about to order my Bacon Double Cheeseburger with Fries I saw the girls of my dreams, Ashanty Oblangawawamygiggapusa. She was a black albano african queen with white hair that would make any man pre-ejaculate. Well short story short I asked her if she would suck my dick and she said no so I had to stalk the shit out of her untill she gave me head.

Now I've fucked 24 different ethnic women.

Ever wondered...

2006-03-23T00:12:12Z

Ever wondered what I say when I'm getting a blowjob from a girl? I say "AHHHH AH AH! AHHH AHH AHH... OHHH OH OH.... OHHH OH OH... AH AH OH OH AH OH... BABY PLEASE DON'T LET GO, BABY PLEASE DON'T LET GOOOO... BABY PLEASE DON'T LET GO BEFORE I BLOW A LOAD YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU SO WHEN YOU SWALLOW ME WHOLE!!"

'Drinks are on the 'ouse!'

2006-03-17T19:50:17Z

How can Peggy afford to keeping giving out free drinks, and not run up any debts? How long until Peggy does run up a debt, and has to charge everyone for drinks, no matter who they are or what the occasion?!

Things I learned from watching Rocky IV

2006-03-12T01:12:54Z

1. A watch will never bite you, no matter how much it looks like a snake.

2. Robots have awful taste in music, but they have great taste in comic books.

3. Highly advanced artificial intelligence only has one practical purpose - to keep the brother-in-law of the heavyweight champion company.

4. Apollo Creed hates Russians, but he loves dogs.

5. Exhibition fights are so vitally important, the participants must fight to the death if necessary.

6. You can essentially murder someone, brutally, in a boxing ring, and not face arrest or trial. In fact straight after said match, there will be a press conferance discussing another fight straight away involving said participant.

7. There's no easy way out.

8. The best way to avenge your friend's death (who also had a wife and family) is to go to Russia and defeat his killer in a televised boxing match, rather than bring him to justice and make him stand trial.

9. Isolated log cabins in Russia come fully equiped with tanning beds.

10. When it comes to training for a heavyweight fight, chopping down trees is just as good as sparring. Better, even.

11. Screaming "Drago!!!" from the top of a mountain gives Rocky everything he needs.

12. ALL the state of the art equipment combined with steroids is no match for barnyard training.

13. Four great music montages can save a movie.

14. In boxing you can push the referee to the side, pick up your opponent and body slam him and throw him to the ropes and still win with no points deducted or disqualified.

15. It is medically possible to see triple, even though you only have two eyes. Should you begin to see triple in a fight, 4 out of 5 doctors recommend you hit the one in the middle.

16. When your countryman is in the battle of his life, you should ditch him halfway through and cheer for his opponent.

17. If you want a good laugh, give the microphone to the man who has just been punched in the head 500 times and listen to what he has to say.

18. The Rocky IV soundtrack is incredibly contradictory. In one song we learn "Giving in can't be wrong." In another song we're told "In the warrior's code, there's no surrender." So is it okay to give in, or not?

And most importantly:

19. Everyone can change.

...Mirrors?

2006-03-10T13:10:34Z

I look into any one of them and there I am! Ain't nothing wrong with that!

Football

2006-03-09T14:42:01Z

Football sucks- any sport where 3-2 is an outrageously high score isn't worth the time it takes to watch it, let alone learn anything about it. Plus you kick a ball and chase after it for 45 minutes, (sounds like something an autistic person would do) and the second someone gets kicked in the shin, the whole game has to stop and Hallmark cards are passed around and there's penalty's and shit. And when the sport's biggest star is Mr. Posh Spice (who wore a fucking frock to his wedding-there's a REAL man) there's a problem. Oh yeah, and while I'm on sports, Cricket is the gayest thing I've ever seen. It makes Curling seem downright masculine.

I’m so lazy I got someone else to type this for me.

2006-03-09T00:46:45Z

Screen Name- Silentom
Why the screen name? Because Stone Cold Said So! LOL
Real Name- Joe Schmo. LOL THAT'S OBVIOUSLY FAKE
Age- OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW BETTER! LOL!
How did you discover Live Journal?- WHILE ON A SPACESHIP LOL!
You got a favourite Live Journal member?- SILENTOM! LOL!
Least Favourite? Reasons?- ANYONE BUT SILENTOM!
Where are you from?- Planet Earth. LOL!
Ever touched a boob?- No, I haven't touched George W. Bush! LOL!
Ever had sex?- I don't kiss and tell, or should I say... have sex and tell! LOL!
....with a man...?- homosexuality is the work of the devil.
Ever Taken drugs?- I once bought a diet pepsi from a "drug store", so YES! LOL!
What were they?- The Diet Pepsi.
Do you smoke?- Only BITCHES! LOL!
Do you work?- Everybody's working for the weekend! LOL LIKE THE 80s SONG!
Ever been in a fight thats put you in hospital? Please, tell away- ONLY IN THE QUALITY GAME GRAND THEFT AUTO: VICE CITY, AS WELL AS GRAND THEFT AUTO: SAN ANDREAS! LOL!
Ever been arrested? What for?- ONLY IN THE QUALITY GAME GRAND THEFT AUTO: VICE CITY, AS WELL AS GRAND THEFT AUTO: SAN ANDREAS! LOL!
Single?- Actually I would prefer a 20 if you had one. LOL!
Kids?- I didn't like that movie. LOL!
Favourite Music- Good music. LOL!
Favourite Band- Rubber bands! LOL!

Things I learned from watching the Karate Kid p1

2005-12-25T02:36:05Z

1. Learning karate could cause trouble, and attention - and then trouble.
2. Californian teenagers are really forgiving and friendly, even after having a gate smashed into their face by someone pissing about they offer to carry their bags for them.
3. If you're a wimp but your learning karate you can choose any girl you want you'll never get rejected.
4. If you are from Jersey, DO NOT move to Reseda, Los Angeles, California unless you plan on bringing a gun.
5. Sucker punching the leader of a blackbelt dirtbike gang is NOT the best way to get him to agree that things are even.
6. Don't touch Ali's radio.
7. While mercy may be for the week, perms are apparently for the strong.
8. There's no such bike as a "Miyagi Turbo".
9. Don't use sarcasm with Miyagi, he just doesn't get it.
10. If you want to get someone in trouble, always keep a pack of smokes handy.
11. Don't ever repeatedly kick a brick on your date's porch... you'll break it and look like an idiot.
12. Pack a change of clothes when you go to Golf 'n Stuff. It has a waterslide.
13. Daniel Larusso takes rod hockey very, very seriously!
14. Never, ever, ever, and I repeat ever spray a bully rolling a joint with a water hose in a public bathroom especially if there's 100+ people right near it.
15. One joint is enough to satisfy 5 guys.
16. Also apparently a sensai doesn't mind when his students, including a state champion repeatedly beats up some innocent kid with no training, in fact he encourages it.
17. Being knee'd in the face by an elderly asian man will actually dislocate your shoulder.
18. The last thing you want to do is get in a road accident with Mr Myagi - he has no licence and thus no insurance.
19. Don't ever lose concentration in Kreese's class, you'll pay.
20. As a parent, the fact that your teenage son is spending all of his time at the house of an elderly asian recluse should not concern you. Especially after said recluse gives him a classic car for his birthday.
21. Catch flies with chopsticks to boost your self confidence in doing anything.
22. When fence painting, don't forget to paint both sides.
23. Don't forget to breathe.
24. Always looka eye.
25. As a sensei, you can both teach karate to a young teen and get your house remodeled at the same time.
26. Mr. Miyagi could have his choice of jobs as a trainer for professional sports teams.
27. Country clubs don't mind if strangers wander around in the kitchen.
28. Mr Miyagi is a petty thief (mainly blackbelts).
29. No 80's movie would be complete without a montage.
30. Win or lose tournament: you'll still have bullies pick on you.
a) Lose = "You're a loser. A wimp. Hey wimp! Yeah man, I kicked his ass!"
b) Win = "I am gonna get you back more than ever. You are gonna pay!"
31. People who can fix ACL injuries with their bare hands will continue to be mired in janitorial work.
32. Johnny is a cream puff.
33. When in doubt SWEEP THE LEG.
34. Face contact is not allowed but if you use the crane to kick the opponent in the face it's ok.
35. No wonder if a person (or a complete team) has been training karate on a daily basis for 7+ years, passing exams and going belt to belt until they reach Black Belt, a 50 year old Okinawa citizen just needs 4-6 weeks to teach you all about Karate by mopping floors, painting houses and cleaning cars. And of course, after the training you can always have the potential to enter a black belt only tournament and kick everybody's ass.
36. Moppers, house painters, car clearner guys, janitors, they are all potential black belt karate death machines.

Things I learned from watching the Karate Kid 3

2005-12-06T16:53:11Z

1. Italian boys make for good, cheap labour.
2. Hanging around with a 60+ year old Asian dude for about 5 years, will *not* make you look gay.
3. After starring in this film, you are more likely to end up in direct to video drivel.
4. Owners of large chemical companies have plenty of spare time to harass lower class teens and eldery men.
5. Evil, toxic waste dumping multi-millionaires usually have a legion of high school punks to help carry out their dirty work.
6. If you piss off the wrong person, his billionaire friend will offer half of his empire to an angry teenage kid who will make it his life's mission to make your life hell.
7. If you're looking to be a bad boy, Snake's the boy to be bad with.
8. It's useless to report such crimes as assault, vandalism, trespassing, and robbery. The police have better things to do.
9. It's not a good idea for a 27 year old man pretending to be 17 to hook up with his teenage costar.
10. Getting sexually excited about macaroni and cheese made me very uncomfortable.
11. Bad guys are pretty dense, even after an old man kicks all three of their asses at once, they don't seem at all worried that said old man is training Danny.
12. Planting bonsai trees is, for some unexplained reason, a life changing spiritual experience.
13. Talking sexually to a rope will over come your fear of heights when rock climbing and won't make a girl jealous.
14. When going to retrieve a bonsai tree like Daniel\Jessica did, bring 4 guards with you.
a) 2 guards to guard the rope.
b) 2 guards to gurad the guards guarding the rope.
15. Karate is for self defence only, not for revenge or fighting.
16. Don't even think about getting cocky with anything like; "first you win a point, then you lose point. Keep the score tied 0-0 at all costs. Then in sudden death you get the point and win." It just might very well indeed backfire. And in that case, sadly said, you deserved it!
17. To win a karate tournament, stand there and do nothing while getting beat up every round and pray you make it to sudden death. Then just confuse your opponent by doing kata and win by scoring one point during the whole match.
18. Traveling to Okinawa and wining a fight to the death with a karate master will NOT prepare you for the All Valley Tournament.
19. Don't waste your time with that Kata crap - it's only good for working up a sweat.
20. I've also learned never to rely on that crane crap.
21. How to sweep.
22. You can go from a 100 lb 17 year old to 200 lb 35 year old in the course of one year.

R.I.P. Pat Morita

Power Color thingy

2005-12-05T00:08:20Z

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest:

You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.

At Your Lowest:

You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.

In Love:

You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.

How You're Attractive:

Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.

Your Eternal Question:

"What else do I need in my life?"

What's Your Power Color?

The Rise and Fall of Joey... errrr... The Fall and Plummet of Joey

2005-12-02T04:52:39Z

For those who haven't heard, here is an excerpt from the most one-dimensional character from Friends that has his own show...

NBC will be looking for improved numbers come January. That's when Operation Hide Joey goes into effect.

Starting Jan. 5, Will & Grace will slide into Joey's 8 p.m., Thursday slot. The new sitcom Four Kings will debut at 8:30 p.m. Former Tuesday night residents My Name Is Earl and The Office will hold down the 9-10 p.m. hour, formerly occupied by Donald Trump's Apprentice.

The moves will allow the network, said NBC Entertainment president Kevin Reilly in a statement that added insult to Joey's injury, to "bring back a block of quality comedy to Thursday nights."

How is your soul?

2005-11-27T05:53:08Z

Your soul is broken.
You are living through a lot of pain everyday
that you have to deal with, which is making you
sorrowful. No one ever stays by your side when
you truly need them and no one ever will.
Everything is hopeless and tragic and you keep
yearning for the day you will be free from
pain. Love is unlikely to happen to you because
you isolate yourself and are suspicious of
peoples motives. You stand in the shadows of
the world, watching what you can never have.
The bruises you carry never seems to heal, your
mind is dark and no one seems to understand or
wants to help. As always, you will be alone in
the world, fighting your dark thoughts by
yourself.

How is your soul? [pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

A Fun Fact That Will Make You Look Smarter

2005-11-11T19:51:41Z

James Avery does both "Uncle" Phil Banks from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Oroku "Shredder" Saki from the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon show.

And just like that, you’re already a little smarter than you were 3 seconds ago!

I LIVE to inform... that, and having ungodly amounts of Sex.

It would have been funny if he got mad at Bebop and threw him out the front door like Uncle Phil did with Jazz.

Where does the T-Man stand on...

2005-10-27T19:40:10Z

... Silentom?

Sometimes I'm funny and then there's now.

A Fun Fact That Will Make You Look Smarter

2005-10-24T23:14:03Z

*Turtles can breathe through their butts.*

And just like that, you're already a little smarter than you were... however long it took your slow ass to read this.

I LIVE to inform.

Imagine if girls could breathe through their asses (many of them TALK through them as it is), imagine blowjobs where they don't have to pull out for air... oh what a wonderful world that would be... heaven.

A Fun Fact That Will Make You Look Smarter

2005-10-22T17:46:30Z

*Shoes were made to fit either foot until 1850*

And just like that, you’re already a little smarter than you were 3 seconds ago!

I LIVE to inform.

Life Lessons with the T-Man

2005-10-11T19:46:35Z

Because I'm brilliant.

Because I have knowledge.

Because I can...

Open your ears and listen to me. I've got something to say... I've got something... TO TEACH!!!

you'll probably work for me someday so don’t grow egos

Yes... yes. Words to grow on. I hope you LEARNED, DAMN YOU!!!

That nursery rhyme

2005-10-06T16:48:33Z

Hey diddle diddle
the cat and the fiddle
the cow jumped over the moon

The little dog laughed
to see such sport
and the dish
ran away with the spoon.

Seriously, that is the most FUCKED UP nursery rhyme ever. It has baffled me ever since I was a little kid. What was the person that came up with it smoking at the time? NOTHING MAKES SENSE. So a cat is with a fiddle then a FREAKING COW JUMPS OVER THE MOON?? WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM? Why was the dog laughing? Because of the stupidity of the rhyme? And where exactly are the dish and spoon going?

Worst.... Rhyme.... Ever....

Hackman

2005-10-05T05:48:07Z

It seems like you don't like the movie or respect the work, so why are you here?- Christopher Reeves

Did you see what they’re paying me?- Gene Hackman in a piece on the making of Superman

"Did you see what they're paying me"... friends, in the business of show, where bullshit and fake gladhandling is as natural as the smell of tuna in a whorehouse... it is RARE to hear honesty as brutal and as open as that.

AND THAT, my friends, is why he is NOT just Gene Hackman, but Gene THE FUCK Hackman!

Oh, and keep in mind that the piece was made YEARS ago, and has Hackman lost a single role because of it? HELL NO!!! Man works as much now as he did during his prime years!

Where does the T-Man stand on...

2005-10-03T20:34:55Z

...Personal Grooming?

Always keep your place ready for visitors; always dress like you're about to pay someone money.